


Divine Love

by tazza12



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A lot of sex, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Astrology, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Cocaine, Come Eating, Depression, Drinking, Drug Use, Facials, Famous Harry, Harry is still Harry, IM TALKING LIGHT, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Louis is a scorpio moon leo rising, M/M, Manager Liam, Mildly Dubious Consent, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, Non-Famous Niall, Post-Break Up, Suicide Attempt, Weed, light water sports, lost son of prophecy zayn, louis is cool with it tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-14 13:50:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16041749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tazza12/pseuds/tazza12
Summary: Basically, Louis and Harry had a relationship until they didn't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS MY FIRST LARRY FANFICTION. DON'T KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM JUST THAT IT HAPPENED. ENJOY.
> 
> p.s. I'm looking for a beta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You can do anything you want. You are bound by no one."

_September 9th, 2017 ___

__When Louis thinks of him, he thinks of pink lemonade, the taste of his sweat, and his large hands. He thinks of green, green, green. He feels desire hot in his stomach. He chases that warmth, the memories of a person long gone from his life. Louis lick his lips, hand tightening on his cock. It feels good, the rough drag of his hand on the sensitive skin. He yanks faster. If he closes his eyes he can imagine it’s his. Can feel the heat of his body above him and the kisses being placed on his neck._ _

__He whimpers. It’s been so long. So, so long. He swipes his thumb across the head, a few pearly drops of cum budding there. He brings that thumb to his lips and swirls his tongue around it. Salt and sadness. Tears prick his eyes. It’s not right._ _

__Disgusted with himself Louis takes his hand out of his pants. He’s pathetic. Jacking off to the ghost of a relationship. He’s fucking gross. This room is gross, cramped and hot. The ceiling fan does little but push the muggy air around. Afternoon light is burning his left thigh and a thick gloss of sweat covers his entire body. Gone,gone, gone._ _

__Louis sits up and rubs his eyes. He’s been feeling so lonely lately. So small. He scrunches his nose up at his softening cock. Disgusting, he thinks, fuck I’m disgusting. His phone pings from somewhere in his bed. It takes a second to find, buried in his twisted sheets. He licks his teeth. It’s a snap chat from one of his sisters. He’ll open it later._ _

__He gets up from his depression throne and stretches. He needs a shower. He picks up his speakers and makes his way to the little bathroom. He chooses a fast and impersonal song. Music is different now. Everything is. He can barely listen to it. He’s terrified he’ll accidently hear him._ _

__He stays under the hot spray for a while. The filth swirling towards the drain. When he gets out he swipes his foggy mirror and feels a little relief. He looks a lot better. The hot water gave his skin a healthy flush and his hair is free from grease. He pulls on a clean pair of boxers before padding back to his room._ _

__Someone is on his bed._ _

__“Niall! What the fuck?” Louis hisses. “What the fuck are you doing here?”_ _

__Niall has a blank look on his face. He waves his phone around. “I was worried. You weren’t answering anyone.”_ _

__Louis blushes. He’s half naked and feels very uncomfortable. Despite knowing Niall since childhood Louis has never been the most proud of his body. Stocking to his desk chair he throws on a random shirt and jeans. “I’m fine. I’ve just been tired. How’d you even get in here anyways?”_ _

__“Um, I have a key remember?” There’s a haughty tone to Niall’s voice._ _

__Louis huffs. “Yeah, for emergencies. Which this isn’t. I just wanted some space.”_ _

__Niall doesn’t say anything for a moment. Louis knows he’s looking at him, seeing straight through Louis bullshit. He doesn’t blame him. It wasn’t too long ago Niall found Louis strung out of his mind and bleeding on the floor. It’s something unspoken but not forgotten between the two of them._ _

__“Sure. Even you sister texted me.” Niall sighs and throws himself back on Louis bed. “Well since you aren’t dead let’s go eat. I’m starving.”_ _

__Louis pauses and shoot Niall a wary look. “Where and who with?”_ _

__“Oh my god, Louis. Just us. Why are you so suspicious all the time?”_ _

__Louis jaw ticks. He finishes putting on his deodorant and pulls on some socks. “‘M not suspicious.”_ _

__“ Jesus, stop bitching and let’s go. I’ve been at work all day and had to skip lunch.”_ _

__Louis turns and gives Niall a quick once over. He’s in a blue button up and slacks, tie long gone. So he was at work. Huh. God. Niall’s right, he is too suspicious._ _

__“Thank you.” Niall grins. “You gotta stop talking out loud, man. Now c’mon I want pizza.”_ _

__Louis let’s Niall drag him from his nest. He takes his time locking up. He needs the moment to try and find his center of balance. It’s practically non existent now. He hasn’t felt right in ages. But the air helps clean his head. It’s getting cold outside, the clouds coming to swallow up what’s left of the day._ _

__Niall waits patiently by his car. Louis appreciates it. Yes, he thinks, Niall is a great friend._ _

__As soon as they’re buckled Niall hands him a cigarette. Louis lights it and rows down his window. It’s late fall. The trees are pretty shades of orange, purple, and red. Some trees are bare, children playing in the dead foliage. He wonders if the leaves are changing where Harry is._ _

__“Talked to Zayn the other night. He won’t admit it but he misses you.”_ _

__Louis snorts. “Yeah right. Zayn knows my number. He knows where to find me. His silence is enough of an answer._ _

__From the corner of his eye he sees Niall’s hands tighten on the steering wheel. “Well you two are a lot alike. Stubborn and can’t get over your pride.”_ _

__Louis prickles._ _

__“C’mon man, I didn’t bring you out here to fight.” Niall sounds tired. Louis feels bad. He hasn’t made it easy on anyone._ _

__“Sorry.” He mutters._ _

__Niall pulls into the square and parks closer to the liquor store than the restaurant. The clouds are remarkably darker when they get out. Louis thinks it might rain tonight. They settle in a red booth and place their drinks. Niall immediately starts chomping down on the breadsticks while Louis opts to drink his soda._ _

__“How’s your brother? They’re on vacation right?”_ _

__“Good, good. They’re in Santorini right now. Theo won’t stay out of the water.” He shows Louis a picture with blue seas and white layered houses, a smiling family in the middle. Louis smiles back. Theo is the happiest baby alive. Always smiling and laughing. “They probably don’t want to come back.”_ _

__Louis tenses at that. Niall is too busy eating the pizza to notice. Thank god. Louis’s hands start shaking and his feel a shiver roll down his spine. God, god, god, he’s pathetic. They eat quickly after that, Niall out of hunger and Louis out of nerves. Once they finish Niall asks for two boxes which makes Louis frown._ _

__“Oh shut up. I have food at my house. You don’t. Eat it for breakfast or something.” Niall gives him the second box and Louis takes it, lead guilt in his belly. Yes, Niall is a great friend._ _

__Outside Niall darts into the liquor store. Louis leans up against the car and looks at the sky. The clouds cover all the stars and cast an orange blanket over the city. Louis shrugs deeper into his sheepskin lined coat and lights up a cigarette. He’s cold and tired and full and just wants to sleep.  
Niall runs out of the store with two silver packets and a pack of cigarettes. “Wooo! Louis get in the car we’re gonna have a good night tonight!” He begins to drive them into the outskirts of the city. The scenery changes from houses and streets to trees and creeks and frogs croaking. He parks off to the side of the road high up on the hill. The city lights are far beneath them and dancing with energy. Louis and Niall have been coming to this hill for as long as he can remember. They usually shared a bottle of jack or some weed. Tonight is no different. Niall opens the tropical swisher packet and Louis pops open the glove box to start grinding the weed. It’s drizzling now. The drops are light but still distort the lights. It’s pretty, calming to Louis in a way he needs. He’s always loved rain._ _

__Niall fishes for his old text book to use as a rolling tray as Louis hands him the weed. “Work sucks, man. How I went from wanting to play guitar to an assistant manager is besides me. Fuck, I’m twenty-four and already have a dead end job.” He sighs and begins to roll the blunt up._ _

__Louis knocks his shoulder a bit. “You’re still young. You don’t have to be there forever.”_ _

__“Hah, young. Right. Tell that to the girls at the club. Fuck, last time I went the girl was barely eighteen. I’m a fucking grandpa.”_ _

__“If you’re old what does that make me? I’m twenty-five.”_ _

__Niall’s eyes slide over to him and he smirks. “It makes you ancient.” At Louis’s huff Niall cackles and knocks him back. “Chill out, Lou. You’re as young as a spring chicken.”_ _

__Louis crinkles his nose and decides to look out his window instead. It’s dark and with the rain it’s hard to make out anything. From his numerous trips here he knows that to his left is a manmade brook and tree that looks eerily similar to the one from the conjuring. Every now and then a cow can be heard in the distance. It’s always been Louis getaway. At this height you can’t hear the noise of the city. You can see the neighboring towns and on a very clear day, even the ocean. Anytime he needed space or privacy this was the place._ _

__He’s thankful he only took Harry here once. It was a night much like this with rain filtering down and Mac Miller playing from the front seat. They had smoked a joint and drank a little wine. They had been cuddled in the back, tracing each other’s tattoos and talking about the ones they planned to get. Talking had led to kissing, kissing had led to Harry pushing Louis onto the seat, taking his shirt off and rubbing their cocks together- No. No, no, no. He was not going there. He couldn’t go there._ _

__Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic._ _

__Niall hands him the blunt and they spend the next few minutes passing it back and forth. They’ve been friends for years. He was first person Louis came out too. Even though Niall didn’t really get it at first, he still held Louis as he cried and cried. Niall was also the person who stayed by Louis’s side during his mother’s illness and the Breakup. He was with a doubt Louis’s closest friend and rock._ _

__“He texted me. Harry. He said he’s coming back.”  
Louis’s body jerks and he inhales a mouthful of ash and smoke. He starts coughing furiously, wiping his mouth with trembling hands. It was like a live wire hit his back. Niall went to pat him but Louis jerked back. “Please,” His voice sounded inhuman. “Please don’t touch me.” He scrubbed his eyes as tears started forming. No, no, no. “What do you mean he’s coming back? Niall, what the fuck?”_ _

__Niall’s leg was shaking. He looked uncomfortable, a little freaked out. Louis couldn’t even breath. What the fuck? “Ni, what do you mean?” Tears were clouding his vision now. “What did he say?”_ _

__“A-all he told me was that he was coming back on the 17th. He wanted to know if you were still here. That’s all he said. Louis I’m sorry. I’m so sorry-”_ _

__“Niall I can’t!” Louis yelled. “I c- c- can’t do this again. I can’t see him. I-I can’t-” He saw a flash of green, a smile, months worth of calls unanswered. “I can’t do it-” And then his stomach contracts so violently he opens his door and starts vomiting._ _

__Instantly Niall is there with a hand on his back. Louis throws up all his dinner and then some, dry heaves making his body burn. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do this again. No, no, no not after this long. After everything._ _

__He keeps his head bowed, the rain cool and refreshing. The smell of his puke is making him sick again but he isn’t sure if he can be confined in the car just yet. Niall hands him a half empty water bottle. The water is rancid, in the plastic for too long but Louis didn’t care. He drains it and throws it in the back seat. He spits a few times and takes some deep breaths before tucking himself back in the car. Niall turns on the heat and Louis puts his head between his knees. They were quiet for a while.Why. Why now? “What did you say?”_ _

__“Nothing. I wouldn’t let the bastard anywhere near you.” Niall spat. He massaged Louis’s head, venom still coating his words. “He’s vile, Lou. Fucking sick.”_ _

__Louis lets out a breath. A great friend. “I can’t believe he texted you, I just-” He hits his head back against the seat. He’s fucking drained. Achey. “Niall, I want to go home please.”_ _

__Niall nods. He looks sad, unsure. Louis squeezes his hand to let him know he’s- well he’s not okay. But Niall doesn’t need that on his conscious. “Okay, of course. Do you, d’ya want me to spend the night? I don’t have work tomorrow? Or I could stay at yours?”_ _

__“No, I need to think. Space. Thank you though.” His words sound hollow even to himself. “Maybe we can get breakfast.”_ _

__“Yeah, that sounds good, Lou. I’m sorry. For springing it on you. I didn’t know how to bring it up. I’m sorry.”_ _

__“No, it’s not your fault. Nothing ever was… thank you. For not replying to him.”_ _

__Niall squeezes his hand back. “Of course. I’m on your side, Lou. I’m here for you.” He smiles and Louis smiles back a little too. They begin the drive back into the city. Louis keeps his head out the window. He’s scared he might be sick again, might start panicking. Niall pulls into his apartment complex and gives Louis a big hug. He melts into it. It’s been awhile since he let someone else touch him like this. “I love you, Lou. Text or call me if you need anything. I’m only like, ten minutes away.”_ _

__Louis nods and hugs him back. “Yeah, text me when you get back. Make sure you get home safe.” Niall hands him his box of left overs and waits until Louis is safe inside his apartment before driving off._ _

__He throws the left overs on the floor, shucking himself out of his wet coat and shoes. He feels.. he doesn’t know how he feels. Confused, mad, scared. He looks at the tea mug he uses everyday, admiring the honey pot design before slamming it against the floor. It’s satisfying watching the pieces scatter. He moves onto his coffee table and flips it. He destroys his curtains, books, shoes, anything lying around. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He’s coming back. He’s-_ _

__Louis runs to the bathroom and throws up again. Fuck. He raises his hand to wipe his mouth when he sees blood dripping from it. Hissing he sees a long gash from his ring finger to thumb. Cursing he takes his shirt off and wraps it around his hand instead. He slams his head on the cabinet with a hard thunk and does that a couple more times. Fuck, Harry’s coming back._ _

__He starts crying then. Big sobs wracking his body. Fuck, he doesn’t need this. Stumbling up he heads to his bed and flops down on it. He’s so tired. He clutches his hand to his chest and prays for sleep. Just to be unconscious, unfeeling._ _

__When he dreams, all he sees is green, green, green._ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Rain"

_April 22nd, 2013 ___

 

____

“Harry, don’t give me any more hickeys. I have to see my sisters tomorrow.” Louis laughs and pushes Harry back from his neck.

____

Harry’s curls have flopped into his eyes, a little sweat above his brow. His pupils are huge, the green hard to find. “Sorry Lou, you know how I get.” He dives in a kisses Louis’s neck one more time. Louis sighs contentedly. They’re parked in the hills, one of Louis’s special places. It’s raining out and they have the front windows cracked to let in the fresh air. It smells good outside, damp earth and air cleaner than it has been in a while. 

____

Harry’s hands are cupping Louis’s face. They’re warm, so, so warm Louis can’t do anything but nuzzle into them. They smoked two joints earlier which has left them both horny and touchy feely. Well, Harry has always been a pretty tactile person. You can’t really be in his presence without a hand brushing yours or him knocking into your shoulder. 

____

Louis stares up at him through lidded eyes. It’s easy, so easy being with Harry. He leans up and catches Harry’s mouth in own. The other man moans eyes falling shut. It’s always astounded Louis that Harry is so attracted to him. Not that he isn’t pretty. He knows that. But to have Harry, the person who burns brighter than anyone, want him is something Louis isn’t used to yet.

____

Harry’s tongue is silky soft. He pushes and licks Louis’s mouth into submission, until he’s nothing but a puddle of molten hot desire. Louis pulls back and a trail of spit follows him. He laughs self consciously and wipes his mouth. It’s weird. He’s been with others, has had sex more times than he can count- but here he is bashful and shy. He chalks it up to Harry and his puddle reducing powers. Louis has seen him sweep into a room and charm everybody inside. He’s also been on Harry’s arm once or twice. A pretty little trophy to tote around to all of the big record label names. Boy toy, he was called. More than once actually.

____

“What are you thinking about, baby?” 

____

Louis eyes snap up to Harry’s. His lover is still holding his face, thumbs caressing his cheeks and mouth, Louis kisses his thumb. He smiles coyly. “‘Bout you of course.”

____

Harry smirks. He’s a wild card. A force to be reckoned with. He heaves out a sigh and lays his body on top of Louis. They’re both naked. The second after they smoked they were on each other like animals. It’s mind numbing the force of his desire, his lust. Louis feels nothing short of beautiful in Harry’s eyes. 

____

Louis’s hand come to tangle in Harry’s curls. He pushes them back from his face, kissing his temple, his cheek, his jaw, and then licks his neck with the fat stripe of his tongue. Harry shivers, his cock twitching against Louis’s inner thigh. Louis chuckles. It’s so easy to rile him up. He yanks Harry’s head causing Harry to moan and his eyelashes flutters. He’s so pretty, so masculine but also feminine, soft. Somewhere between a boy and man. It makes Louis feel protective and possessive all at the same time. He’s Harry’s. Has know he was Harry’s the moment they met. But even now with his weight on top of him, his cock against his thigh, he knows Harry’s isn’t his. Not yet, not now. 

____

Louis grips Harry’s cock, licking his lips at the thick length. Harry pants by his ear, little tremors going through his body. “Baby,” He rasps, “Keep it up and I’ll have to fuck you again.”

____

Louis smiles. It’s satisfying to have this power over Harry. He nips his jaw, his hand going a little faster. Besides being keyed up from the drugs Louis has always had a very active libido. It was thrilling to find out Harry did too. Whenever they fucked Louis felt on top of the world.

____

“Harry,” Louis licks the little bite he made. “Fuck me, please. Please, I-”

____

“Fuck Louis.” Harry yanks his head back, making Louis’s neck arch. He attacks the sensitive skin again. Louis whimpers. So good. So, so, so good. “I want you to open yourself up baby. Fuck yourself on your fingers.”

____

Louis pouts. “But Harry, you’ve already done that. Ow!” Harry slaps him on his thigh, his nostrils flaring a bit. Louis loves this too, the dominant, the pain.

____

“I want you to fuck yourself, baby. Your little hole is always so tight. Gotta make sure I don’t hurt you. Don’t wanna hurt you.”

____

“Hmm, pass me the lube?” Harry smacks his thigh again. “Please?”

____

Harry rewards him with a kiss throwing the lube at him. Louis blushes, a little shy. Fuck he doesn’t know how Harry manages to do it. To make him feel small, and submissive, and shy all at the same time. He slicks his fingers up, hands shaking because he can feel Harry’s gaze on him. He starts scissoring himself with two fingers. He was right, he is stretched still. His toes curl because his hole is sensitive. Harry fucked him hard earlier. A moan catches at the back of his throat.

____

“Fuck, you look so good. Does it feel good, baby? Love something in your hole?”

____

Louis nods. “Y-yes. Feels perfect. Ughh.” He slides in a third finger going a little faster. His walls feel swollen. Fuck, he wants Harry’s cock back in there. But no, not yet. He has to put on a show, make Harry want him. 

____

Harry is gripping Louis’s thigh, rubbing the creamy skin. He didn’t shave, didn’t feel the need too because the hair up there is sparse anyways. But he wishes he had. He wants to be perfect for Harry. Wants to be his fantasy come to life. 

____

He just barely pokes in his fourth finger before Harry is ripping his hand out. Louis squeaks unprepared for the harsh action. “Look so fucking hot, Lou. Gonna fuck you now, yeah? Get you all full of me?” He digs on the floorboard for a minute before pulling out a condom. “Want you to put it on me. Can you do that baby? Be my good boy?”

____

Louis preens. He nods and takes the rubber, ripping it open with his teeth. He blows the plastic bit into Harry’s face. Harry snorts, but doesn’t lose the intensity of his gaze. Louis grabs the base of Harry’s cock and starts rolling it on. Fuck, his cock is so hard. It’s flushed red at the tip, the veins bulging agaisnt Louis palm. When he’s done he give it a few quick tugs. “Want you to fuck me,daddy. Want you to fill me up and split me open. Please, please I wanna feel like yours, Please- oh fuck.” He whines as Harry pushes into him.

____

His eyes roll back into his head. Harry braces himself with one hand on the car seat and the other on Louis’s waist. He pulls out then snaps his hips back in. Louis is jostled at the hard movements. God, he a fucking slut for this, for Harry. His nails hook into Harry’s back and he pushes up into him. Despite the chill outside Louis is starting to sweat. It’s so hot in this backseat. Both of them panting and writhing like animals. Louis keens as Harry’s hand brushes his cock. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

____

 

____

All of a sudden Harry is moving. He hoists them into a sitting position, Harry’s head resting against the backboard. His cock slipped out of Louis hole but his fuck it between his cheeks. The lube makes for an easy slide. The tip of his dick keeps catching at his hole and Louis whines. “Please, daddy. Please, please.”

____

Harry doesn’t say anything, just barely fucking him. He grips Louis asscheek delivering a hard smack. “Want it baby? Want me to keep fucking you?”

____

Louis nods and Harry smacks his ass again. “Please, please!”

____

Harry grunts and fucks his cock into Louis again. They both groan as Harry starts pistoning his hips. Louis dips his head down to rest his forehead against Harry’s. His hands claw into Harry’s scalp as soft noises leaves his lips. Harry huffs before his hand leaves his hips and wraps around his throat. A spark runs down Louis’s spine. It doesn’t scare him. They’ve done this since the first time they fucked the club toilets and Harry left bruises around his neck. They have safe words and signals. He knows if it gets to be too much all he has to do is slap Harry’s arm.

____

Louis grunts, or tries too. It comes out in choked syllables. Oh fuck this is what he needed. He needs this spacey feeling in the back of his head. Harry’s hand tightens slightly before starts thrusting at an animalistic place. Louis whines and Harry relaxes his grip for a few seconds before tightening it. His eyes start to tear up, pleasuring overwhelming him. “Please.” He barely chokes out before Harry nods and Louis is cumming all over his stomach and and Harry’s thighs. Harry’s hand stops squeezing his throat but continues resting there. Louis kisses his temple and whispers into his ear. “C’mon baby, come for me.”

____

Harry hisses and Louis slips his hand down to twist and pull one of Harry’s brown nipples. Harry jerks up and starts coumming into the rubber. Louis gasps a little and rides the waves of Harry’s orgasm with him. His thighs are shaking from being splayed out so much. His neck is sore and his hole is smarting. Harry gulps in a breath, gently removing his cock from Louis. 

____

Louis whimpers. “Ow, ow.”

____

Harry sshes him, caressing the back of Louis’s neck as he finally pops out. He settled Louis sideways on his lap, careful to keep Louis’s ass from touching the seat. He places hot kisses all over Louis’s shoulder and neck and face. After he takes a second to stripe the condom off and tie it, throwing it in an empty fast food bag. “Fuck, baby. You’re so hot. Fuck, never come lick that.”

____

“Yeah right. Bet you say that to all the cute ones.”

____

Harry’s eyebrows knit before he smiles a bit. “You’re my cute one, Louis.” He gives him a soft kiss before he lays Louis down on the seat. 

____

“Babe,” Louis admonishes, “this is how we got into this position.” 

____

Harry shimmies down and cast Louis a devilish look. “Just cleaning you up, babe.” His pink tongue darts out and starts licking the cum from Louis’s stomach. Louis sighs, rubbing Harry’s head and feeling his hole throb. Harry pops Louis dick in his mouth for a second to clean it then places a kiss on the head. He sits up and rubs Louis’s thighs.

____

“Ahh, this is almost better than the sex.” Louis jokes. He bends his leg and it cracks. He laughs a little Harry kisses his knee. 

____

“I believe it. Nothing like cracking ‘m back.” Louis fishes a cigarette from his pants and he lights it. He leans up and kisses Harry, pushing the smoke into Harry’s mouth. Harry inhales it and blows the rest out. They share the cigarette until they have to light another.

____

Harry’s ring clad fingers traces the tattoo on Louis’s chest. “It Is What It Is. Why’d you get this one?”

____

Louis blows smoke out. “I guess to help me remember. I have a nasty habit of holding onto things, shit I can’t change. Getting this tatted on me reminds me everyday to chill.” He taps the G and A on Harry’s shoulders. “Who’re those for?”

____

“M’mum and sister. Anne and Gema. I tend to miss them alot.” He points to the swallows on his chest. “Got these because believe it or not I’m a serial romantic. Believe in soul mates and all that.”

____

Louis makes a non commital hum. “Ohhh, you’re one of those.” He sniggers at Harry’s pout. “Come of it I’m just playing. I’ll let you in on a secret. I believe in them too. Will I ever meet them? I don’t know. Hopefully.”

____

Harry laughs. “What if I’m your soulmate? Would make the search a lot easier.”

____

Louis’s grin slips off his face. He has the urge to cover himself up. Yes, he loves Harry. Knows he does. But he also knows Harry doesn’t feel the same. He’s a young rock star, touring the world and meeting thousands of people. Louis is just a fleeting past time. His Manchester call boy. 

____

Harry brushes his face. “Lou?”

____

“Don’t joke about that Harry. S’not funny.” He pinches his thigh over and over. The sharp shocks of pain keep him grounded and calmer. He’s fuck up, he knows. But he’s also trying not to be. He can’t say out loud why he feels like crying. But the swell of emotion is lapping at his chest and he feels very sensitive, very exposed.

____

Harry holds the hand that’s administering the pinches. He clears his throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

____

Louis laughs and rolls his eyes at himself. “It’s okay, sorry, I get kind of emotional when I’m high. I think you fucked me so hard I lost some very important brain cells.”

____

Harry hesitates for a moment probably trying to decide if he should pursue the matter. But Harry laughs too and the infamous charm starts oozing out of him again. Louis lets out a relief breath. He knows Harry just like he knows himself. They both prefer light hearted conversations. Even if, Louis thinks, he’s the one who brought it up.

____

They stay up in the hills for a little while longer, smoke another bowl and take a sip of water. They decide to pull their clothes back on around two in the morning. When Louis shimmies into the front seat Harry smacks his ass and they giggle. Louis driver seat is a little wet from the rain but considering the filth on his clothes it’s not that tragic.

____

They buckle up and Louis starts driving back into the city. “Where’d you want me to drop you off?”

____

Harry hums and looks up from his phone. “Oh the hotel is fine.”

____

Louis nods and drives for a bit. When they’re two lights from his apartment he inhales sharply. “Would you maybe want to like, spend the night? I don’t have to leave until eight tomorrow.”

____

Harry is quiet. Louis starts to feel sick. But then Harry’s hand is on his thigh and he’s leaning over to kiss Louis ear. “I’d love too. Just set multiple alarms for me.”

____

Louis flushes and nods. They pull into his apartment and run up the stairs. Harry crowds over him while he fumbles to unlock his door. Once inside they take off their wet clothes and take a hot shower. Harry sucks Louis off and Louis washes Harry’s hair. They curl up with each other naked on the bed. Harry’s head is on Louis chest. He throws one big leg between Louis and let out a little snuffle. True to his word Louis sets a lot of alarms on his phone, ten to be exact, and settles into the mattress with Harry in his arms. The rain is pouring outside. The combination of that, the darkness, and Harry’s solid weight in his arms makes him pass out quickly,

____

The next morning they both wake up and the fifth alarm. Harry puts on water for tea while Louis gets dressed in a black turtleneck and skinny jeans. He leaves his hair down and pops in his contacts. They have breakfast in the living room. Harry is on the floor between Louis’s legs and he begins to braid Harry’s curls into twin french braids. 

____

Louis drops Harry off at his hotel, gives him a kiss on the check, and promises to text him soon. Harry blows him a kiss and saunters into the lobby, a crowd of people with pagers and phones already waiting for him. Louis watches him for a second, the strong line of his back and the gentle wave of his hands. He drives off listening to Harry’s music. God, if I could have one wish, he thinks, it’s to have this forever.

____


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. This chapter focuses on Louis's family. Johannah is talked about, and so is the rest of Louis's family. I have no idea how it works, this is just my imagination. Big love and respect for all of them. Trigger warnings for death. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You can have the world in the palm of your hand, you still might drop it.”

_September 19th, 2017 ___

__Louis is a giant coward and he knows that. Harry was supposed to have come back two days ago. Louis had told himself after his episode that Manchester was a big place. (Small, if you knew it like Louis.) That the probability of running into him was slim. In their few years apart Louis no longer has the same cell phone number, job, and has no contact with any mutual friends. The only person who’s even had contact with Harry is Niall. Louis trusts Niall with his privacy - and mental health- and knows his friend wouldn’t leak his whereabouts._ _

__Even with knowing all this Louis still ran. It was last minute. He had been folding his laundry trying not to think about it. His tv was playing reruns of Friends and that served as another distraction. It was somewhere in between folding his favorite black shirt and one of Phoebe’s shenanigans that he dropped everything and grabbed a small duffle bag._ _

__Fuck this. He was not going to be here when Harry was. No way. Maybe if he bounced for a few days Harry would think he moved. If, Louis thought, he cared enough to look. It only took him an hour to pack enough clothes for the weekend and ring Dan that he was coming over. Louis old stepdad was surprised but the warmth in his voice assured Louis is was okay. At the mention of his name he could hear his little siblings start screeching and yelling. He smiled at that._ _

__The drive to Doncaster was dull as usual. Louis’s beat up car knew the way well. When he first moved to Manchester he was happy that he didn’t have to drive ages to visit his family. A hour and a half was a perfect medium for him. He could live his life and be independent while still being able to visit on the weekends. Louis liked driving. It was a great way to focus on something other than himself. He could play music and smoke and take in the lush green fields and scenic towns._ _

__As soon as Louis pulled up he was surrounded. Daisy and Phoebe were the first to reach him, followed by Doris and Ernie._ _

__“Louis!” Daisy yelled. “Louis, Louis, Louis!”_ _

__“Loubear, how long are you staying for?” Phoebe screamed from his waist._ _

__Louis had his hands full with Doris, his littlest sister squealing as she tugged hand fulls of his hair. Ernie was glued to his leg, beaming up at him with pure adoration._ _

__“Hey, hey! C’mon you little pests, give your brother some space!”  
Louis looked towards the house to see Dan jogging out with a big grin on his face. He scooped up Ernie and Daisy yowled when his little feet kicked her in the arm. “Dan, how are you man?”_ _

__Dan chuckled. “Busy as you can see. C’mon, help me corral them into the house and I’ll make you a cuppa.”_ _

__“Alright, you heard the man! Last one to the house has to smell my socks!”_ _

__“Ew!” Daisy and Phoebe screamed before tearing across the driveway._ _

__“Down, down, Woo!” Doris commanded and soon she was stumbling towards the front door. Ernie was the only one who didn’t fuss. He was tucked into Dan’s shoulder and seemed content there._ _

__“Ah, it’s good they listen to someone.” Dan joked before placing a hand on Louis back. “It’s good to have you back, Lou. We’ve all missed you.”_ _

__Louis shot him a little smile. He let Dan steer him to the front door. Ever since his mum died it’s been hard to visit. He did of course, he loves his family more than anything. But the house is different. There’s a whole person missing. His mother, the woman who single handedly raised seven children, went through one bad relationship after another, and finally when she was getting somewhere, got sick. It was the hardest thing to happen in Louis’s life._ _

__Johannah had been the mom every kid wished for. She was always so supportive and full of love. She raised her children well, instilled a sense of self and compassion in each one. She taught Louis that even though love doesn’t work the way you want it too that doesn’t mean you have to give up on it. Even when she was bone tired and in pain she always, always had enough energy to entertain her kids. She listened to Daisy and Phoebe’s latest classroom conquests, offering advice when needed. Doris and Ernie were a bit harder, being so young. Dan’s was a giant help, and the other two eldest children, Lottie and Fizzy, helped too. Louis was practically living with them during that time. He quit his job in Manchester and got a new one delivery groceries to the elderly people in Donny. He left Niall’s apartment ( they had been roommates) and moved into Dan’s office._ _

__She died in December, a few weeks before Christmas. Everyone was devastated. They all piled into Dan and Johannah’s bed that night. It was cramped and the heat was insufferable but they all dealt with it. The next morning half the town and Louis relatives came over. Their fridge was stuffed with food and everyone took turns playing with the kids. At one point Louis fled to the shed outback and let himself have a quick cry. He hadn’t been able to the day before, too many responsibilities. He and Dan had had a conversation about how to raise his siblings. Louis offered to move in, get an actual job and help him. Dan had thanked him profusely but reminded him that he had his own life. He could move in if he wanted. Of course Dan wouldn’t say no. But he didn’t want Louis to sacrifice his life for his family. He had already helped raise them. Louis was twenty-four then, and Dan just couldn’t allow someone so young to become a full time father._ _

__Louis had moved in for seven months. He left when everything settled down._ _

__The first three were the hardest._ _

__Eventually, things began to get back on track. Lottie and her boyfriend Romil spent a lot of time visiting from un. They took the kids out to get ice cream or the movies. Fizzy became more maternal and took on a mothering role. (Even though Louis and Dan constantly told her she didn’t have too.) Dan decided that working from home would be the best option and started fixing up cars in the garage. He was a great dad, and Louis was glad that someone so wonderful had stepped into their lives._ _

__A cup of tea is set in front of him and Louis is brought back to the present. Dan is sitting the chair across from him. He looks tired around the eyes, but other than that he still as easygoing and kind as Louis remembers._ _

__“Not that I’m not glad to see you,” Dan begins. “But I have to ask. Are you okay, Lou? You’re not in trouble or anything right?”_ _

__Louis fidgets in his seat. Dan was one of the few people who knew just how bad Louis could get sometimes. “No, not in trouble. Just…” He shifts his eyes over to the kitchen window. It’s foggy outside._ _

___Green, green, green. ____ _

____He clears his throat. “It’s-” He flicks his eyes towards the other man. Dan looks worried. Louis licks his lips and tries again. “It’s Harry. He’s back. Or like, supposed to be back. In Manchester.”_ _ _ _

____Dan hums. “That makes sense. Did he call you?”_ _ _ _

____Loui shakes his head furiously. “No. No, no he doesn’t have my number. It was, uh, Niall he texted really. Guess he was askin’ about me.” A fresh wave of tears sting his eyes and he tries hard to keep them from falling. “I couldn’t- I got scared. Um, I’ll just be here for the weekend but like, I don’t _know _what he wants.”___ _ _ _

______“I’m sorry, Lou. You can stay here as long as you need. I know... well I know it’s been hard for you. Especially since Jo.” Louis nods. “If it eases your mind we haven’t heard anything from him in a few years. So your safe here.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis nods again unable to talk. It’s just so _much _. All those sleepless nights and trying not to cry but failing. The constant shift and rearranging of his life. The fear and the loneliness and this ,em > constant _nagging that he isn’t enough.____ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Don’t you ever say that Louis. You are enough, you’ve always been more than enough. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel differently.” Dan commands. He chuckles and nudges Louis’s leg under the table. “You’ve got to work on talking out loud. You always spill all your secrets. Been like that ever since you were a kid.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Louis rolls his eyes and gets up to put his cup away. “Yeah, yeah. Everyone says so.” He turns on the hot water and starts filling up the sink to wash the dishes from lunch. “Thank you.” He pauses, unable to face him. “For everything.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Dan claps his back before a loud crash is heard and ear piercing wails are heard a second later. “Your welcome. Duty calls. Girls!” He yells before racing up the stairs. “What was that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Louis sighs and shakes his head. Some things never change._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking to much, got stuck in oblivion

_September 21st, 2017 ___

__

__Louis has work at five this evening. All of his siblings are pinning him down in the living room._ _

__“But Louuuu,” Phoebe whines. “You barely stayed at all! Why can’t you stay longer?”_ _

__He strokes her hair and pats Doris’s back while she cries into his armpit. “Because I got work, Bebe. I wish I could stay longer, trust me. But I gotta get back.”_ _

__“Then stay.” Daisy huff all annoyed. “Get a job here, like last time.”_ _

__“I wish I could, but I can’t. I have an apartment contract. And I promised my boss I’d be there tonight. Oh hush. It’s okay I’ll be back.” He soothes as both sets of twins start crying._ _

__“Lou, I made you a thermos and some lunch for the road. Oh, guys. C’mon. Let him get up.” Fizzy chastises from the kitchen. She’s a gorgeous girl with brown hair and calm eyes. Already so grown up, even though she’s only seventeen._ _

__“Shut up, Fiz!” Daisy glares. She then goes back to giving Louis puppy dog eyes. “Please, Lou. Please don’t go.”_ _

__Louis cups her chin and kisses her forehead. “‘M sorry lovely but I have too. C’mon get up. And don’t talk to your sister like that.” He swats her bum and then gently eases the little ones of him. He gives each one of them a kiss and a promise to come back too. Doris and Ernie are crying, but Phoebe is hugging them and they quiet at that._ _

__He goes up to Fizzy and takes the food from her hands placing a big kiss on her head. “Take care, yeah? Call me if you need anything.”_ _

__Fizzy squeezes him tight before pulling back and fixing his collar. “Of course. You too! Drive safe and give us a call when you get there.” She hugs him one more time before going to open the door. “It was really, really good seeing you. You have to come back when Lottie visits next. She misses you too.”_ _

__Louis nods and waves to his family. “Love you guys. Tell Dan I said bye!”_ _

__“We will. Sorry he had a doctor’s appointment. He’ll be sad he missed you.” Fizzy tuts. She’s pushed aside as the twins barrel out, a littler twin trailing behind them. Louis gives them all one more kiss before heading to his car. This is the hardest part, he thinks. Leaving._ _

__He backs out of the driveway with his family waving in the rearview mirror. Once he’s a few miles away he pops open his console and takes out a joint. He lights it as he turns on the radio. It’s something he doesn’t do often. With Harry being, well Harry, it’s hard to turn on the radio and not hear him. It also sucks because Harry knows a lot of radio hosts. Their old mutual friend Nick Grimshaw being one of them. It’s hard because whenever some singer from the UK makes it big it seems the whole country does nothing but blast their music. The first month after he and Harry split all he wanted to do was blow his brains out. He heard him everywhere. Everywhere. Louis couldn’t even touch the radio without catching whispers of his voice._ _

__“Lou.”_ _

__Louis shakes his head and takes a long drag. The weed relaxes his body. He’s always so tense. Fight or flight mode constantly._ _

__He’s listening to a country station when it happens. One second a cowboy is crooning about his lost love and the next his voice cuts through the static. Louis damn near crashes his car.  
“Just stop your crying, It's a sign of the times.” _ _

__Louis slams on his breaks and pulls off on the side of the road. Behind him a car blares it’s horn. The driver yells at him as he passes and Louis feels terrible for one second before he’s throwing the door open and puking. Again._ _

__“You look pretty good down here. But you ain't really good.”_ _

__Louis coughs out the rest of his breakfast before picking his head up. It’s quiet. He’s somewhere close to Manchester. Nothing but marches and a thick fog around him. There’s not many cars out, and Louis is sure it’s only a matter of time before someone thinks he’s broken down. He gets out with Harry’s voice still taunting him. He paces to the back of his car and pops open his trunk._ _

__“We never learn, we been here before. Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets?”_ _

__Louis digs for his inhaler. He hasn’t used it in years. But he can’t breath. He can’t fucking breathe. He hasn’t heard him in years. Tries to block out the memory of it. The rasp of it when he’s just got done sucking Louis’s cock. He hiccups and tries taking in deep gulps of the medicine. He walks around with his hands on his head trying to open his lungs back up. The cold air burns but he needs it. God, does he need it._ _

__“Remember everything will be alright. We can meet again somewhere. Somewhere far away from here”_ _

__Louis screams. He chucks his inhaler into the road before storming back and curb stomping the bumper of his car. No, no, no. “We can’t!” He yells at no one. “We fucking can’t! We can’t!” He scrubs his eyes and hiccups again. Oh my god he’s fucking losing it. He was an idiot. Why did he do this to himself. He knows the radio is off limits._ _

__“Just stop you’re crying-”_ _

__“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up you fucking liar!” He screams. It’s scary, it bounces back in the fog and assaults him from all angles. It’s been so long since he’s heard his voice with Harry’s. He pushes off from his car and stalks the a few yards from the car. He looks around him, making sure no one is there, and then screams. He yells, and cusses, and screams and punches his thigh until the song is over._ _

__When he literally has no breath he stops and hunches over on his knees. It’s hurts to breath in. It’s cold and his voice is shot but fuck. After he can breath he goes into the road and picks up his inhaler. He sits on the edge of his trunk and takes a few puffs._ _

__“And that was Harry Style’s new song, Sign of the Times! In case you’ve been living under a rock, last year the rockstar ended his rock n roll career and decided to go solo. There were a few rumors that he’d quit music all together but not our wild child! Sign of the Times is the first song to be released since the split.”_ _

__Louis licks his teeth. He had heard that before, a while ago. He’d been grocery shopping and saw Harry’s face plastered all over the mags. Wild Child quits! Harry Styles leaves Saturn’s Rings! Louis had cried in his car, ice cream melting on his lap._ _

__“Hey kid!” Louis’s head snaps up to see a lorrie driver has stop. He waves his hand around. “You okay? Need a jump?”_ _

__Louis clears his throat, waving back. “No thank you! Uh, just taking a break! Thank though!”_ _

__The driver shrugs then starts driving again. Louis watches him go before groaning and sitting up. He tucks his inhaler in his pocket and closes his trunk. He pats his car before climbing back into his seat. He glares at the stereo before turning it off. He lights a cigarette, takes a breath, and starts driving again._ _

__Thirty minutes later his at his apartment. He texts Fiz that he’s home and stumbles into his shower. When he’s done he slumps into his room and falls onto his bed. He has two hours before work and decides a nap would be good. He texts Niall quickly to let him know he’s back._ _

__Cool! The blond text back. Have a good night at work. No word from you-know-who._ _

__Louis isn’t surprised. Back when he knew Harry the guy usually laid low the first week or so. He liked to decompress and get comfortable before attempting to make public appearances. Louis hopes he’s left, or at the very least five days was enough._ _

__Green, green, green._ _

__Louis wakes up twenty minutes before work._ _

__He takes time to brush his hair, leaving it down. He retouches the shaved undersides and then pops in his contacts. He shimmies into black drinks and white tee with angel wings on the right breast. He grabs his heavy denim jacket and smokes before making his way to his car._ _

__It takes him forever to find parking, the streets busier always packed on this side of town. Louis pays the meter for a hour, just until the parking is free, and then grabs his bag and heads inside. Veela’s is a bar and club that belongs to a non-binary person named Joel. Joel is the best boss Louis has ever had. They gave Louis a job when no one else would, teaching him the ropes and how to bartend. They also hired LGBTQ friendly staff members. Louis’s favorite is Mercy, a really beautiful dark skinned girl with sky blue hair._ _

__She’s at the bar right now talking to Juliet, one of the waitresses. She spies Louis of Juliet’s shoulder and waves. “Louis! Long time no see! I thought you quit or somethin’!”_ _

__Juliet spins around and squeals, locking Louis in a hug. “Lou! Oh my gosh, hiiii! She’s right, where have you been?”_ _

__Louis hugs her bag and keeps an arm around her waist while he adjusts to see Mercy. “Nah, wouldn’t quit. You guys need me too much.” Mercy rolls her eyes and Juliet slaps his shoulder giggling. Lous smirks. “I was visiting my family back in Donnie.”_ _

__“Ohhh, that it explains it.” Juliet murmurs. She shrugs before patting Louis again and grabbing a wet rag. “Well I gotta get back to work. This place needs to be sparkling for tonight.” She bounds off to go polish the tables and Louis raises a brow at Mercy._ _

__“You know how she gets when cute guys play.” She picks up a glass to start cleaning it._ _

__“Oh, that’s right. It’s Friday huh? Hmm, well I'll come back in a sec, let me drop my stuff off.”_ _

__“‘Kay, I’ll be here.”_ _

__Louis smiles before stepping into the back. The employee lounge isn’t huge but there are a couple of half broken bar tables and a booth. There’s a row of lockers and a fridge, private bathroom, and water jug. Further in the back is Joel’s office. Louis locks his things away before rapping on the office door. Joel’s head picks up. Once they see it’s Louis they laugh and wave him in. “Louis! Hey brother, how you feelin’?”_ _

__“Heyy Joel.” Louis sits on the edge of their desk. “I’m fine now. Thanks for letting me take off so randomly. I needed too.”_ _

__Joel shrugs. “Hey, gotta do whatcha gotta do. Just glad you’re alright.” They appraise Louis’s form as if to make sure he is okay. “How’s the kids doing?”_ _

__“Good, Fiz still acts like she’s forty. Ernie is the quietest if you can believe it.”_ _

__Joel snorts. “A house full of independent women? Doesn’t surprise me. You’re pretty quiet too, maybe he’s trying to be like his big bro.”_ _

__“Yeah, like anyone would want to be me.” He hops up and knocks on Joel’s desk. “Well better get out there before Mercy starts bitchin’ she does all the work.”_ _

__Joel lets out a booming laugh and sits back with their hands on their head. “Yeah, last time she was in here for an hour and ate all my candies.” Louis giggles and goes to leave but Joel calls after him. “Hey Lou, just so you know it’s gonna be pretty crazy tonight. Big band is coming in so I want you to be prepared. Let someone know if it gets to be too much.”_ _

__“Stop babying me, Joel. I’ve been here long enough to know how drunk people get.” He waves one last time before he goes back behind the bar. He spends the first three hours of his shift cleaning and making sure all the alcohol is stocked. There’s a hum of excitement in the air, everyone chattering and looking around excited. Mercy seems to be the only one besides Louis who doesn’t care. They chat while they work, catching up on each others lives._ _

__Louis takes his first break and decides to light up a smoke in the back alley. He still feels tired from earlier. The morning with his family seems light years away and Louis can’t wait to hit the hay tonight. When he goes back in the club is significantly fuller. Mercy is throwing out drinks at a terrifying pace and Louis jogs back to help her. For the next hour they work as a team to quell the mob of people._ _

__Louis wipes the sweat from his forehead. This is the most crowded the bar has ever been. He’s never seen it like this, even when it was half off for singles under twenty-two. The black light is making his white shirt glow and he has a migraine. He looks up for a moment to see a security guard (on break) is asking for a shot. Louis is confused and looks towards the front doors to see there are a lot of security guards. He pours the guy a shot before scanning the room. Okay they aren’t just at the doors, they’re everywhere. He sees some stage hangs setting up and a buff looking guy with brown hair and clipboard in his hand directing them. People are getting riled up now._ _

__He battles with another wave of people. Fifteen minutes later the lights dim and the only ones really on are the emergency lights and technicolor ones on stage. Louis is shocked to see Joel posted up in a corner booth, some fancy looking people sitting with them. Joel never comes out to see the band what the fuck-_ _

__“Hey twink! Give me a round! I’ve been here for ages!”_ _

__Louis eyes snap over a red faced guy with gauges. He tenses at being called a twink but let’s a fake smile take hold of his face. “What do you want?”_ _

__“Five rounds of tequila! And hurry! ‘Bouta start!”_ _

__Louis ducks down to get clean shot glasses. Mercy is rooting around for a bacardi bottle and Louis yells in her ear. “Who’s playing tonight? These guys are mental!”_ _

__Mercy shoots him an impatient look. “No one told you? It’s-”_ _

__“Good evening Veela!! How are you guys tonight.”_ _

__No fucking way._ _

__Louis shoots up and cranes his neck to see the stage._ _

__“Hey! Where’s my fucking shots!” The guy yells._ _

__“Hold on!” Louis shouts back, trying to see-_ _

__No, no, no. What the fuck it can’t be._ _

__“I’ve been away for a long time…” The crowd boos and the voice giggles into the microphone. “But I’m back!” The crowd starts to cheer and the voice laughs._ _

__“Louis! What’s wrong?” Mercy calls over._ _

__He looks at her with wild eyes. His legs are shaking. No, no, no._ _

__“Hey you bitch!”_ _

__“Shut up!” Louis snarls at the guy. “Mercy- Mercy, who’s playing?”_ _

__Mercy looks from her drinks to him. “Harry Styles! No one told you?”_ _

__Louis staggers._ _

__“I haven’t performed much since I quit my band. But Manchester has always had a special place in my heart! So tonight I decided to drop down and do a speacialll, “Harry drawls. “Showw for you guys! Who’s ready?”_ _

__Every starts going fucking nuts. Louis is gripping onto the counter for dear fucking life. “No, No-”_ _

__“I want my fucking shots!” The guy is done waiting, and leans over the bar. Louis reacts out of instinct and grabs his arm._ _

__“Wait , you son of a bitch!” Louis screams and all of a sudden a choir starts up over the speakers. A heavy guitar line and gritty music pops up and Harry starts to sing._ _

__Louis gonna fucking hurl. But the guy is still fighting him and Louis’s foot slips. “You fucking bitch!” The guy yells and punches Louis right in the face. Louis falls back against the back and cracks his head against the glass window. They guy is scrambling over the bar and Mercy is screaming for security. The guy yanks Louis up before two guards grab him and start hauling him through the crowd. Louis starts to fall back and he sees Mercy running towards him._ _

__

__“Louis! Louis!”_ _

__Louis’s eyes roll into the back of his head and he faints._ _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Where was you when I was lonely?"

“I told you I’m fine.” He’s holding a sterile pad to his bleeding nose while the EMT shines a light in his eyes.

“No concussion. That’s good.” The EMT talks over him. They tilt his head down and Louis grumbles while another EMT picks a few pieces of glass from his skull. “You should go to the ER though just in case.”

Louis glares at his shoes. He’s currently in the employee lounge. Joel is there talking to a cop and keeps shooting Louis worried glaces. They’re red in the face, sweating. Joel hates violence.

“I don’t want to go to the hospital. Ow.” He hisses as the EMT starts dabbing an antiseptic to his head.

“You don’t need stitches.” They say. “But Priya is right. You should still go.”

Louis closes his eyes. He lets the EMTs bandage him up and tell him that if he feels light headed or any serious pain to come to the hospital right away. They give him a bag of ice and head over to talk to Joel.

The cop comes over while Louis is placing the bag to his nose.He’s congested and keeps snorting blood. Fucking disgusting.

“Tomlinson?” 

Louis groans. “Yes?”

“I’m Officer Fuentes. I wanted to get your statement and see if you wanted to press charges.”

Louis shakes his head. “Well is the guy kicked out?”

Fuentes nods. “Yes, and they’re being booked right now.”

“As long as they won’t beat me up outside I’m fine. No charges. I just want this day to be over.”

Fuentes writes something down before looking at him again. “What happened?”

Louis inhales to try and unclog his nose. He winces and spits some blood up into a tissue. “Took to long to get a drink. Guy got impatient and it went from there. Look, I’m not pressing charges and he’s in jail already. Can we drop it?”

“For now yes. You’ll get a call when the assailant is released. Anything else before I wrap this up?”

‘No, sir. Thanks that’s it.” Fuentes jots down one more thing before striding over to his partner.

Mercy comes barreling in a second later. She has tears shining in her eyes. She zeros in on Louis and starts stomping over to him.

Great, he thinks. Couldn’t get any better.

“You idiot! What were you thinking!” 

“Look-”

“No!” She yells. “You listen to me Tomlinson. That guy could have really fucked you up. Next time someone comes at you like that don’t just stand there! If we didn’t have all this security tonight you could have- he would have.” She breaks off to swipe her tears away and then yanks Louis’s ear.

“Ow, ow, ow!” Louis yowls. He jerks away and Mercy darts after him. “Mercy stop! I already got my ass beat!”

“And I’ll beat it again!” She glares at him. All the fight leaves her body though when she plops next to him on the couch and leans her head on his shoulder. “Don’t ever do that again, Lou. That was so scary. You just dropped. I thought you were dead.” She sniffles and Louis puts an arm around her.

“I’m okay. He didn’t do that much damage. I fainted because I had a big day.”

Mercy twists his nipple and Louis slaps her hand. “I don’t care what kind of day you’re having. Next time do something. Please.” She lifts her head up and checks his face. “You’re nose is still cute.”

He laughs before realizing it hurts and groans instead. He leans his head on the back of the couch and Mercy cuddles closers. He must dose off for a while because next thing he knows there a loud shout and some excited cheers. 

Louis opens his eyes to see everyone crowding the door. A minute later the same buff guy from the stage is cutting through the room. His eyes land right on Louis and give him an impersonal once over. Louis shivers. He hasn’t had someone look at him like that in a long time. Harry’s record label friends always did that. Made him feel gross and small and worthless. Just another lay.

Harry.

Green, green, green.

The guy looks towards the door and Louis’s stomach seizes. Oh no. There’s no way. “Mercy,” He bites out.

She looks up at him and then the door. Her eyes widen. “Oh my god, no way is that Harry Styles?”

Louis’s knuckles tighten. He and Harry, fuck Harry, lock eyes. Green, green, green. Before anyone can say something Louis is scrambling off the couch. Mercy yelps and Louis takes off at a dead run to Joel’s office. He slams the door shut and locks it. His stomach cramps violently before he’s picking up a plastic trash can and puking. It’s pure stomach acid and burns all the up Louis esophagus. God, he’s puked so much recently. 

He slouches down on the floor and waits. No one knocks on the door. Hell itself doesn’t open and drag him down to the torture pits. Harry doesn’t barge in and make Louis come face to face with the nightmares he’s been having since they split up. In fact, Louis checks the clock, no one has bothered him in ten minutes. 

He feels dumb. Of course Harry wouldn’t chase him down. Did Louis want that? God no because what would he say? What would he do? Throw up on Harry’s shoes? 

He curls his knees up and rests his head on them. His nose is running and his head hurts like a bitch. Fuck he can’t believe that guy punched him. Louis didn’t even do anything. Just let that bastard use him as a punching bag. He cracks his fingers. He practices making a fist. His hands look tiny. But fuck it’s not like he doesn’t know how to fight back. He used to get in fights a lot when he was younger.

But Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry.

Harry. Who’s just on the other side of the door. 

A light knocking is heard and Louis tenses. Oh no. No, no, no.

“Louis? Can you unlock the door? All my shit is in here.”  
Louis breaths at Joel’s voice and stands up to let them in. Joel gives him a weird look but brushes past him. Louis takes a quick peek outside to see Harry, the man, and Mercy have all left. Thank god. He thinks. 

“Well if you’re finished hiding out how about you head on home. Fuck can you drive? Want me to drop you off?” Joel inquires.

Louis turns around to face them. “Oh, no. No thank you. You sure it’s okay to leave?” Please, please say yes. He thinks. I need to get far, far away from here. 

Joel chuckles. “Of course. You were attacked tonight Louis. You have every right to leave.” They grab their keys and walk towards the door. When they get close to Louis they put a large hand on his shoulder. “That mother fucker will never be allowed in here, understand? No one assaults my employees and gets to come back to the next night for happy hour.” They pat him and shoot an easy smile. “Take care of yourself kid. And that noggin of yours. You feel sick you go straight to the hospital okay?”

Louis nods. “Sure thing, thank you. Um, have a good night. See you tomorrow.” Joel waves before heading back into the bar. Louis collects his items and decides to sneak out through the fire exit. Hopefully Harry- he can’t believe he even has to think about it- is signing autographs or flirting with people at the bar. His heart hurts thinking about that last one. Louis knows how easy it is to fall for it, for the eyes and the lips and the laugh. The way he makes you feel like the only person in the world. 

He stomach gives a weak protest and Louis holds his hand to it. He creeps around the back of the building. When the coast is clear he high tails it too his car. Once he’s sat down he let’s out a long breath. He’s fucking tired. Confused. Fucking heart broken all over again. Harry’s here, in the city, in the area, in Louis’s fucking work. He slams his head against the steering wheel and his car breaks the silence by letting out a bleat. He laughs to himself. Dear fucking lord Jesus Harry is here. They were in the same room. He looked right at him, like nothing ever happened.

Hot tears lick Louis’s cheeks. Pretty. Harry was still so pretty. He only looked for a second. He can barely stomach that. But Harry’s hair was shorter. He was taller and looked more filled out. Green, green, green.

Louis sits up and wipes his eyes. He needs to get out of here before the universe throws them together again. He starts up his car with shaking hands. A glance to his rearview reveals that there’s a lot of people spilling out of the bar. Louis trains his eyes on the road in front of him and pulls out. 

When he gets home he’s too tired to do anything. He barely manages to pop in a painkiller and change out of his clothes. He falls onto his bed and hisses when his head hits his pillow. Fuck he’s so fucking sore. Louis punches his pillow. He’s so fucking mad. It’s Harry’s fault. It’s all his fucking fault. Louis pulls his blanket up over him. His phone is going crazy with notifications but he ignores it. He’s scared. Doesn’t want to look. 

It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Bringing you love on a wire"

_November 12th, 2012 ___

__Louis is twenty one and getting his dick sucked in the bathroom. His hands were in the other guys curls, twisting and curling them around his fingers. His leg was shaking and sweat is budding on his temples. The guy, Harry fuck Styles can you believe- is on his knees and sucking Louis’s cock like he’s starved for it. His heavy lashes flutter and all of a sudden all Louis can see is green, green, green._ _

__When Louis walked into the bar that night he didn’t expect Harry to be there. It was just another night out with his friends. He was horny and desperate for a fuck. Gone were the days of sticking awkwardly to the wall and watching all the pretty people chat each other up. Louis wasn’t nineteen and a virgin. He was twenty one, handsome, and ready to pull._ _

__It had just so happened that Harry Styles was in Manchester for a few days. He had a concert the next day and everybody was buzzing. Louis had thought about buying tickets until he saw how fucking expensive they were. Fuck that, he had to eat for the next month. Everyone else seemed to be going though, even his roommate Niall._ _

__Harry Styles was like the next Nirvana. At least that’s what all the rags paraded him as. Louis understood that Harry was a very very talented singer. He started in a garage with some guys from uni and then fucked his way into a producers bed. The rest was history. Harry’s band, Saturn’s Rings, was everywhere after that. First in the underground scene and then doing gigs for randoms in London’s night scene. A few years later and Harry Styles was the world's most infamous rocker with a sinful voice and mouth to match. And here he was, sucking Louis’s dick._ _

__It was an accident. The universe if you asked Harry. Basically Louis was six shots in and had to fucking piss. He abandoned the muscle head at the bar and stumbled his way into the clubs bathroom. He felt his way into the last stall and pushed it open only to be met with some resistance. Louis pushed harder and Harry squirmed his way out._ _

__Louis blinked._ _

__Not only was Harry Styles in front of him, but Harry Styles was currently snorting cocaine in front of him._ _

__“Shit,” Harry cursed before grabbing Louis tan wrist and pulling him in the stall with him. “Come in here. My manager is currently trying to hunt me down. Can’t let him find me. Just, just stay here until I’m done. I’ll pay you, anything just- c’mon I really need this fix.” Harry rambles. His eyes are already blown out and he has a slight tremor to voice. He keeps rocking up on his toes, leaning more weight against Louis._ _

__There’s a bit of cocaine around Harry’s nose. Louis licks his thumb and wipes it off. Harry stops and just stares at him. “Okay.” Louis replies._ _

__And that’s how he found himself doing lines of cocaine on the back of a toilet seat with Harry Styles. The more he injest the more floaty his body feels. He keeps giggling, bumping into Harry’s space and laughs when Harry makes a stupid frog face. He’s fucking gone, barely able to stand right at all._ _

__Harry is very animated. Cracking jokes and waving his hand around and keeps brushing Louis’s ass. Louis’s cheeks hurt. What the fuck, what the fuck? He keeps thinking to himself. Harry Styles. Harry fucking Styles. Soon Louis’s bladder kicks back to life. Harry is in the middle of telling Louis about the time Ariana, yes Grande, once slipped on her ass during New York Fashion Week when Louis puts his hand on his chest and stops him. “Harry, Harry wait I have to piss.” he giggles._ _

__Harry laughs and raises a brow. “So? Piss man, I’m not stopping ya.”_ _

__Louis feels his face blush. Harry is still looking at him in a slow, innocent way like a cow. Louis can hear the blood rushing through his ears and he stumbles back a bit and laughs. “But you’re in here. Like, that’s weird right? I should-” He puts his hand on the stall door. “Should really move.”_ _

__Harry’s hand latches onto his bicep. Louis locks eyes with him and feels himself shiver. Harry licks his lips, half a smile on his face. There’s a tremor in his fingers. His voice is low and warm when he says, “It’s okay. We’re both guys. I’ll just look the other way, yeah?” When Louis is quiet Harry’s thumb starts massaging his muscles._ _

__Louis exhales and steps closer into the radius of Harry’s heat. He doesn’t know why he isn’t freaked out. There’s definitely sexual tension between the two of them. Louis assumed it was just because they were both fucked out of their heads. But the way his cock throbs and how intensely Harry is staring at him has Louis reaching for his fly. He swallows and turns towards the toilet taking his dick out. He hears Harry sigh behind him and then an arm is winding around his waist. Louis leans back into him and inhales sharply went Harry’s hand presses into his lower stomach._ _

__“Louis, Lou you’re so pretty.” Harry murmers into his hair._ _

__Louis’s face is bright red. He grips his cock and tries to relax enough to start peeing. He whimpers when nothing happens. He so embarrassed but also turned on. What the fuck, what the fuck. His mouth feels glued together. “Harry,” He whines. “I- I can’t.”_ _

__“Shh, baby. Want me me to help?”_ _

__Louis is breathing fast when he nods. Harry kisses the shell of his ear before he starts pressing on Louis bladder. Louis moans. The pressure hurts a bit but he can feel his dick jolt. His breaths are getting quicker and Harry is pressing harder. Louis has one second to catch his bearings before he starts pissing. In front of Harry Styles, with Harry Styles helping him. Tears prick his eyes at the fucking relief of emptying his bladder. He can hear himself panting in the small space, hear Harry whispering stuff to him as he empties. His piss smells strong and he feels so fucking weird._ _

__Soon he’s shaking his dick and flushing the toilet. He’s sweat through his clothes and he puts almost all his weight into Harry. The room is spinning. It’s hot. Harry’s arm flexes around his middle. It feels good, solid._ _

__“Lou? You okay?” Harry asks from behind him._ _

__Louis sucks in a few deep breaths before rolling his head to the side. He inhales Harry deodorant and, and perfume? It’s a floral scent, sweet like sugar with just a hint of something musky. “Smell good.” He mutters. He feels Harry’s chest shake with laughter and he rolls his head far enough to look at him. Harry has a tender expression on his face. His lips are cherry red and slick like he’s wearing lip gloss. His eyes are black and Louis can see himself in them. He looks small, pixie like. His hair is a matted to his forehead. He looks pretty, soft and fucked out even the only thing he did was pee and do blow._ _

__“Harry, will you kiss me?” He finds himself asking. “Please? Would really like to kiss you.”_ _

__Harry giggles before he nods and presses his face close to his. He licks Louis’s lips and when Louis moans he clashes their mouths together. Electricity runs through Louis as he raises a hand to cup Harry’s face. His finger tugs his curls and Harry moans thrusting his tongue into Louis mouth. They wrestle for a bit before Louis relents and lets Harry have free range of his mouth. His cock which is still outside is his pants thickens up. Louis pulls harder at Harry’s head and pulls back trying to breath. Harry looks at him before his eyes trail down his body. Louis flushes and looks down too. His cock is hard and long, tinged pink with blue veins._ _

__“Pretty.” Harry breaths. All of a sudden Louis is pushed against the stall wall and Harry in on his knees. One big hand wraps around his cock and Louis whines. “Louis, Louis, Louis.” Harry sings while pressing his face into Louis groan. He’s smelling him, Louis realized. Fuck he just pissed too. Fuck Harry is a little freak. He thinks. “Louis, can I give you a blowie? Please, pretty please?”_ _

__Louis gulps before nodding. Harry kittens licks the head which has Louis shooting up on his toes. “Words, Lou. Wanna hear you say it.” Harry commands._ _

__“Y-yes. Please Harry, please suck me I- fuck, fuck!” He groans as Harry takes him all the way into the back of his throat. Louis cants his hips up and Harry gags taking him impossibly deeper into his throat. “Holy shit-”_ _

__Harry laughs and the vibrations make Louis bite his wrist to keep his sounds in. Harry starts bobbing his head back and forth while one of his hands grabs Louis ass. Louis writhes and Harry sucks harder, harder until-_ _

__“Harry, H-Harry I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum!” He wheezes._ _

__Harry’s eyes drift up before he sucks harder and twirls his tongue on the underside of his cock. Louis cries and cums down Harry’s throat, unable to stop the hot jolts of cum. Harry moans and sucks it all down. He cleans Louis cock thoroughly before popping off and placing a sweet kiss to Louis’s head. He tucks his dick back into Louis’s pants and smiles up at him._ _

__And that’s how Louis Tomlinson got his cock sucked by Harry Styles._ _

__Harry rock back onto one knee and then stands. He trips and Louis catches arms full of soft, sweaty Harry. He can’t help himself from kissing Harry’s neck and murmurs a soft thank you. Now that he doesn’t have to pee and his fucking came Louis feels shame crawl up his throat. He’s never ever had someone help him piss before and get off on it. Never after meeting someone and doing drugs has someone sucked his dick like that._ _

__“Hmm, you’re very welcome Louis. You’re very pretty, got a nice cock on you. You’re really kind too. Open minded. Love it.” Harry rasps. He locks both arms around Louis and hugs him. Louis hugs back and buries his face in Harry’s neck._ _

__“Harry?” He inquires. Harry hums again and Louis pulls back to look at him. “You don’t- you don’t think I’m weird right? For, for like peeing and-” He can’t finish the sentence._ _

__Harry’s brows knitt and his thumb comes up to dab the corner of Louis’s eye. “Of course not,” he breathes. “I was the one who wanted it. It, it was really hot Lou. You’re really hot. I, you’re fine okay? I still like you as much as I did before.”_ _

__Louis feels something in him pop. He gives a strained smile. Harry smiles back and kisses Louis’s forehead. “Are you hungry? I’m starved. Haven’t ate in ages. Saw a twenty-four hour waffle shop. Wanna come with me? I get lonely easily.”_ _

__Louis thinks for all of two seconds before he nods. Harry kisses his head again before twining their hands and pulling them out of the bathroom. As soon as they hit the hallway someone is stepping in front of them._ _

__“Harry!” The guy says exasperated. “C’mon man, we gotta go. Ditch the kid and hurry up.”_ _

__Harry lets out a booming laughing. “Sorry Ulrik but I got planes. I’ll see you tomorrow though!” He pulls Louis with him and yells, “Run!”  
“Harry! Harry God Dammit! Harry! Someone go get him! Don’t just stand there!”_ _

__They start running in earnest and hit the back door. They blow out of there and Louis looks back to see there are two guys following them. Gripping Harry’s hand tighter he tugs him to the left. “C’mon, this way! I know how to lose them!”_ _

__The run at full speed through the back alleys. They have to jump a fence but after that it’s smooth sailing. They slow down five blocks away and catch their breath in front of a closed shop.  
“That was crazy!” Louis gasps. He starts laughing and he can see Harry doing same. _ _

__“Louis you’re so fucking cool! Fuck Ulrik is gonna be so mad!” Harry snickers. He’s pacing around with his hands on his hips. “Fuck I gotta stitch in my side.” He laughs again and shakes his head pulling out a cigarette. He lifts the pack to Louis. “Want one?”_ _

__“Sure.” Louis walks up to take one and Harry holds the flame for him. Louis takes a deep drag and looks up to see Harry staring at him. “What?”_ _

__Harry lifts his hand to brush Louis’s hair. Louis preens into the touch and Harry shakes his head. “Nothing. I just, can I keep you?” He whispers._ _

__Louis cocks his head. He blows out his smoke before leaning up and press a kiss on Harry’s mouth. “As long as you can keep up with me rockstar.” He kisses him again and then takes his hand. “Come on, waffle place is this way.”_ _

__“Coming.” Harry chirps before falling into step with him._ _


End file.
